The Ugly Truth- Friends

 

What is a friend?  Have you ever truly contemplated what a friend is?  I asked one person what they thought a friend was and they said a person who is like family but isn’t blood.  Another person said someone who you can count on no matter what.  Honestly, no one can really define a friend because people expect different things from friendships.  But, if there is one thing that everyone can agree on, it’s the fact that friends will always be a big part of your life.  Friends are the most influential people in our lives because we spend more time with friends in our lifetime then we do with our own family.  Friends literally make the world go round, especially during our teenage years.  We go through break-ups, parties, failing test, bullying, and etc with friends.  Even though family will always be there, friends are the people you relate to more, friends are the people you tell your secrets to, friends are the people who you put the most trust into.  The type of friends you choose to surround yourself with is the type of person you are.  I asked 3 boys and 3 girls questions that they had about friendship and this is what I got!

Male, 19.

1). Why does my girlfriend get so jealous that I have girls that are my friends?

Ahh the classic ‘my girlfriend is jealous of my friends’, problem.  This is a situation that I have been in myself.  There’s a fine line when it comes to being jealous and not trusting your boyfriend/girlfriend at all.  I think that her being jealous might not be a bad thing because that just means she cares enough to get jealous of someone trying to steal you away from her.  But there is a line that she can’t cross.  If it gets to a point where she is no longer enjoyable to be around because her attitude sucks and because there is no trust within the relationship, then she shouldn’t be your girlfriend for much longer.  But the most important reason she might be a bit jealous is because  if you and her started off as friends and ended up dating, why wouldn’t you do the same with another girl?  That girl friend might relate to you more, she might be better looking, or she might have a better personality.  There are many contributions that lead up to your girlfriend being jealous towards on of your girl friends.

Female, 16.

2). How do you stop yourself from having a crush on a friend?

I wish I could answer this but the truth is I’m still dealing with this issue myself.  You start off with this whole concept of a friend being nice and this amazing person, then you start to confuse their kind nature for flirting.  It happens to the best of us.  And let me tell you, it’s the worse feeling.  The feeling of not wanting to ruin a friendship because of a crush but that feeling of wanting to be more than friends overriding it.  It’s a pretty lousy feeling.  I don’t have many solutions for this question but I will tell you what I do to get over liking a friend.  I just think to myself that losing that friendship is not worth it.  And if a romance is meant to happen then it’ll happen.  I’m not saying that you should give up but you should definitely consider all possible outcomes before revealing your feelings.

Male, 17.

3). Why is it easier to make friends then it is to keep friends?

I’ve been asked this questions by a couple of my friends and peers actually.  There are many situations that could lead to you losing a friend.  Dishonesty, back stabbing, disagreements, difference in opinion, and many more.  One reason you might be losing more friends than you gain might be because you’re picking the wrong friends.  Make sure the friends you pick represent you and what you stand for.  Also, another reason you might have trouble keeping friends is because you might not be making the effort to keep the friends.  I can’t explain how many times I’ve heard people say they don’t have any friends but these are the people who never go to any party, text any of their peers from school, hang out with anyone, and etc.  Sometimes making friends is a two-way effort.

Female, 14.

4). A lot of my friends don’t like one girl that I’m friends with because she has a bad reputation, what do I do?

You have three choices in a situation like this.  One, you end the friendship with the girl completely.  For all I know that might be the right choice.  Maybe the girl is a bad person and your circle of friends are just trying to steer you clear of that.   Two, you can try to get your normal circle of friends to see what an amazing person the girl is.  You all go out to the movies, go out to eat, or maybe even a Christmas party.  Just try to be neutral about everything, don’t make it a choice between your group of friends and one friend.  Lastly, you could hang out with both the girl and your friend separately to prevent conflict.  This means to hang out with the girl, not caring what others think but don’t ditch your other friends either.  If either of sides are uncomfortable then they’ll have to get over it or get lost.  These options work for different situations, I hope you find one that best suits what you’re going through.

Male, 16.

5). How do you know if a friend is talking about you behind your back?

To begin, you should always ask a friend first before making accusations.  There is nothing worse then accusing a friend of something they didn’t do without talking to them first.  Once again, it’s happened to all of us.  The rumors start during your elementary days and into high school. ‘Stacy said you were fat.’  ‘Ebony said you were lame.’ ‘Pam said you like her boyfriend.’  Truly, you should know if you have a trustworthy friend.  If you don’t, then you simply must confront them and ask if the rumors are true.

Female, 21.

How do you make a friendship last a long time?

I wish I could answer this for you but to be honest, I haven’t had a friendship last more than 3 years.  That’s because my family moves around a lot and we’ve gone through our issues in the past.  But I’ll answer this question to the best of my ability.  There are two rules that I believe you must follow to have a successful and lasting friendship.  One, you have to be open and honest with your friend, ALWAYS.  Trust is so important in a friendship, to the point that without it, there would be no friendship.  Two, always come from a place of love when dealing with your friends.  Even when you know they messed up really bad and they might be a horrible person to you but always react in love.  I can’t tell you how many friendships I’ve lost out on because I was bitter or mean to a friend who made a mistake. We’re all human, we all make mistakes.  Some are bigger than others but regardless, never treat someone who used to be a friend with hatred or bitterness because it only holds you back from becoming a better person.  Now, some things might not be easy to get over and you might have to end the friendship and that’s okay.  As long as you forgive and treat them with respect, that was a true friendship.

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Last piece of friendly advice is to remember that family is chosen for you, friends are chosen by you.  Your friends reflect who you are.  When you look into at your friends, are you satisfied with who you are?  If not, change it.

Love & All,

Rosy.

Disclaimer: Teen Culture holds no rights to the Photos in this post.

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